Love

As I was reading in Alma tonight I was really struck by something. In chapter 22 it is talking about king Lamoni's father ( I wonder why they don't tell us his name) and how he was so impressed by the way Ammon behaved when he met up with him and his son, Lamoni. Now the king is being taught by Aaron. The king desires greatly to know more about God and to understand the things he has been feeling since his meeting with Ammon. In verses 17 and 18 it reads, "yea, even he did prostrate himself upon the earth, and cried ^bmightily, saying:

18 O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; and if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day. And now when the king had said these words, he was struck ^aas if he were dead."

First of all, i had to look up the words "prostrate" because I really had no clue what it meant (I'm no English major....not even close)! It means "to cast (oneself) face down on the ground in humility, submission, or adoration." So, I'm pretty sure I've never done that. Never felt compelled (or humble) enough.

Second of all, the part that really impressed me was when the king said, "I will give away all my sins to know thee." The thought of giving away my sins is a huge concept for me. I don't know how to explain it well with words. But, I'm thinking that I have sins because I am human, yes, but more because I am selfish. I sin because I am usually more willing to do what I want than to do what God wants me to do. So, the act of giving away those sins, becoming selfless and desiring more than anything (more than to be selfish and to sin, to give in to indulgences) to know God. To be counted among one of His sheep. This gives me a really good idea about how the king must have been feeling at that point.

I want to find some way to feel that way myself! Baby steps, I guess. Barry attended the Stake Priesthood Meeting tonight and after he came home he shared the notes he had taken. One of the things he talked about was what Brother Robinson spoke on. He said that one of main problems (I guess as a stake, if I remember correctly) was that we don't want to do anything that might not be comfortable! Boy did that hit close to home. The first thing that came to my mind is the way that I pray. So often I am too lazy to get on my knees to pray. I will climb into bed and let my thoughts wander to God (while I am nice and cozy under the covers). How pitiful! To think of all the God does for me and all that He has sacrificed on my behalf, that is all I am willing to give to Him most days. I have some repenting to do tonight....

But, I don't want to focus on that. Instead, on the fact that I have a desire to do more. To be a better person. To be a great example of Christlike love to those around me. That will take a lot of effort for me. It is soooo easy to be selfish. I'm really quite good at it. I don't want to be selfish anymore. I want to have such a great desire to know God and to know that I will be with Him again (and to receive the blessings that are promised to me according to my faithfulness) that I am willing to give away my sins and my selfishness.